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On Poppies and Remembering

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A while back, I read a blurb by a psychologist who discouraged people from spreading pictures of poppies and veteran support through social media because while it didn’t do anything to actually ‘support’ veterans, it did make veterans uncomfortable, forcing them to relive memories they would rather forget.

I’ve had that rattling around in my head for a bit.
I won’t argue with her, she works with many veterans and specializes in PTSD and OSI and many of those she sees feel the way she has stated.  She is obviously far more qualified than I am to make any statement about this.

Let’s face it, your facebook sharing doesn’t actually support anyone, no matter what the cause.  Sharing 50 pictures of soldiers on one knee next to a cross will not actually support a single soldier needing help.  Not one.  Not any more than your pink ribbon pictures help anyone with Breast Cancer or your Giraffe profile picture is doing….. anything but offering amusement.

Seriously, the eyes/door debate is being taken a liiiiitle too seriously by some of you….

Anyways, I see the point clearly that your yellow ribbon posts and ‘support our troops’ facebook stickers and ‘share if you love our soldiers’ sharing is not doing anything to help support our veterans who are lost, hurting or injured either physically or emotionally. 
Donating to charities like Soldier On or the Wounded Warrior Project is a good start if that’s what you were trying to do.
We can all admit that we know deep down that social media sharing does nothing, long run, in tangibly helping anyone. 


So this, this is my opinion.  I am not in the military, nor am I a veteran.  So I share from my own experiences and understanding knowing that those who know better than me, might feel differently.

I’ve met a lot of combat veterans.
In fact, I am married to one, but that’s not where it ends.

I have had the privilege of meeting a few of those still around, like my Poppa, who is 93 and a veteran of the Royal Canadian Artillery in WWII

I’ve briefly had the chance to speak with Korean veterans over the years as well at various functions.

And simply due to the nature of Dhs job and the men he serves with, I know many veterans of Afghanistan as well as Bosnia, Kosovo and other conflicts.

And of those I know who saw combat and lost friends, there is one thing they all vocalize the most clearly.

They are not prepared for the reality of their wars to be pushed to the background.
They are afraid their friends and comrades will slip to obscurity and no one will know their names.

They are most concerned that we not forget.
That we not forget the war they fought.
That we not forget their friends.

They need us to remember.

And that, that is the purpose of Remembrance Day and the Poppy.
It is not a symbol to glorify war.
It is a symbol to encourage remembrance.

No one should be forced to wear one.  Forced respect is not respect at all.
And I am sure there are some veterans who reject the poppy for their own reasons and they have that right.

But for those of us who have never seen what they have seen or lost what they have lost, a poppy for 2 weeks and a couple of hours of the 11th speaks to a tradition of ensuring our children remember.

And without remembrance, there is repetition. 
Remembrance Day is about a dream that one day November 11th will come and we will have only memories of wars from a distant past.
The internet tells me it was  George Santayana that said
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”


So how do you wear a poppy?

The Canadian Armed Forces members start to wear poppies on their uniform 2 weeks prior to November 11th.  That is when you see Poppies begin to be available around town.

They are worn on the left side traditionally, and generally not altered, though etiquette over using a Canada Flag or other small pin to hold it on is mixed and mostly accepted.

Poppies are retired after the ceremony on the 11th until the next year.  It’s acceptable to leave it on the cenotaph, or you can simply take it off and keep it for next year.

Here’s some links from the Legion and Canada Remembers for more information.

Poppy Facts

How to Wear a Remembrance Poppy


So what about those facebook pictures?

I will admit, I don’t ‘share’ anything that tells me to in support of something.

But I do change my photo to a poppy around the time that I start wearing one.  The same way that on some dates of the year, I will make time to mention men that have been lost those days, who they were, why they were important.

It’s not about pretending that it supports veterans, to me it’s about remembering.

Because if I allow my years to go by and stop taking those moments, I risk allowing their memories to slip away from me.


And I think maybe allowing ourselves to forget all together would be the biggest disservice we could offer.

For my American friends, who don’t know what Remembrance Day is at all, let me share this poem, In Flanders Fields, that inspires Commonwealth countries like Canada and the UK to wear poppies in recognition of Remembrance Day, which we observe every year on the 11th hours of the 11th day of the 11th month, the day armistice was signed to end WWI.

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10 COMMENTS

  1. Hannah Taylor-Johnson | 30th Oct 13

    Last year my mum bought me a brilliant poppy from the UK Legion. It's amazing and I love it. It cost quite a bit but, as she said, her dad fought, and was later a prisoner of, WWII and the legion had been kind to him after he had retired.

    I actually don't like the Canadian poppies, the felt picks up the cat hair, so I try to avoid wearing those ones, I'd rather just donate the money and walk away from the design. I wear the little brooch though.

    Here's the link. I'd love to know what you think (while I appreciate that we often disagree on these topics, I still respect your opinion!).

    (http://www.poppyshop.org.uk/the-buckley-crystal-poppy-brooch-large.html)

    Hannah

    — Ok, so I did some more research and fell in love with the Canadian equivalent. How beautiful is that!? (http://www.poppystore.legion.ca/ProductInfo/300650.aspx)

  2. Kim | 30th Oct 13

    Hmm, can't seem to see those links (they both just come up error) but I think giving a donation and wearing whatever kind of poppy you are comfortable with that has the same purpose is just fine and not really any different than putting a personal pin or something in the Canadian poppy. It's about the remembering, not the felt ;).
    (For the record, my personal opinion does not support white poppies or other ways that take poppies and make them a protest or about something they are not. But that's entirely different).
    I have actually worn real poppies before instead 🙂

  3. MrsMcDancer | 30th Oct 13

    I love this post it really resonates with me. In my experiences with veterans I have encountered the same fear of forgetting (which breeds apathy)

  4. Holly Lewis | 30th Oct 13

    Exactly! Excellent post! My husband is a vet and I think you are so right.. they want us to remember so that they know their brothers/sisters did not sacrifice in vain.

  5. Hannah Taylor-Johnson | 30th Oct 13

    Well that's annoying that they didn't work. The Canadian poppy shop has some absolutely stunning brooches, scarves etc. I hadn't realised until I'd googled it. I suppose the British legion shop has their own style, but that's just me, I am a bit of an art deco fan and that seems particularly on trend at the moment.

    I hadn't particularly heard of white poppies. Do explain. 🙂

  6. Kim | 30th Oct 13

    Interesting. I was pretty sure they originated in Britain. Anyways, I'm sure I don't know everything about them but from what I've found in looking them up, they are worn as an ''alternative' for people who believe that the red poppies glorify war or have a political agenda. Mostly a pacifist movement.
    I actually just love the look of poppies, I have tattooed more realistic poppies on my arm, and I love paintings and art with them as well. I think they are beautiful flowers.

  7. Hannah Taylor-Johnson | 30th Oct 13

    I've always loved poppies too. They grew like a weed in the town I grew up in. I used to play with the 'shakers' (the seed dispersal…never mind, going off topic!).

    I could see why people would wear the white ones. I suppose the hardest part for some people is remembering the sacrifice of the individuals but not necessarily glorifying the atrocities that come from war? I'm not sure.

    For years, I didn't acknowledge remembrance day. Not because I'm contrary, which I actually am, but because I didn't really understand it. I believed it was glorifying war, which has always filled my heart with dread. I thought it was used as a justification for war, a way of saying 'the sacrifice is always worth the end result' (even after an education that told me the contrary to that, I just couldn't shake the feeling). It's not until my husband went to war and I learnt of what he was actually doing, how much of the current wars come from a desire to bring about peace, that my attitude changed. I started realising it was less about a political agenda and more about the individual, more about remembering the atrocities of war as a reminder to avoid them rather than glorifying them.

    I use it as an opportunity to remember every soldier, from every side. For me, it's about not getting caught up in the 'good' side or the bad, it's about remembering the misguidance that bad politics can bring about and the sacrifice of all those people who thought they were doing the right thing. For me, it's a humbling experience to remember that as individuals we should always make informed decisions and that as a society we should always think things through. I don't mind the red poppy. I don't mind the idea of white either, white is always associated with peace/death (white lilies), so…I don't know.

    You do make me think, Kim. I guess it's about the value you put on it. Is it worse for someone to wear a white poppy to commemorate the sacrifice of human life or is it better for someone not to wear one at all? I don't really have an answer. I don't really think my reasoning above justifies anything, I just thought I'd present you with another side of it. I struggle a lot to adjust my personal values to fit with those of the military, I'd love to hear more about why you don't think that pacifism doesn't have a place in remembrance day.

    (I'm not trying to argue, i'm just trying to understand how you view remembrance day. All too often arguments come about because we expect others to know our values without question, so our understanding of their stance isn't quite reflective of the situation. I'm really intrigued by you, because your outlook is so passionate and I'd love to understand more of it.)

  8. Liz Beck | 30th Oct 13

    And In Flanders Fields was written by a cousin of your Grandfather Wilkinson, who also served in WWII. Excellent post, Kim.

  9. chambanachik | 31st Oct 13

    AMEN.

  10. Malori Fuchs | 2nd Nov 13

    Beautiful, thought-provoking post!

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