At the request of some who have asked for more info about our No-Gift Birthdays, I thought I’d explain a little. When Freckles was turning 3 I found myself down in the playroom, sorting toys and packing some away for charity. Some had barely been played with. I thought of the time and expense those toys had cost the people who had picked them out for him. I thought of how many toys we were holding on to not because my child liked them most, but because of who bought them for him. I thought of how many more toys were coming at this upcoming party and how long we would hold on to those ones, too. Mostly, I thought of how unnecessary it all was and how there had to be a better way. For the next couple years, we played around with birthdays for my oldest 2. We tried themes, one year buying a fish tank and encouraging people to help fill it with fish and accessories as a gift. Which was nice until the fish that your best friend gave you dies. So that was a no-go. Then we tried nothing. Bring nothing, we said. Just yourselves. People still brought toys. Then that next year my youngest son was born and my friends wanted to host a Baby Shower. Except, my goodness I had more than enough from my last babies. I couldn’t possibly need more. So since Dh was deployed in Afghanistan, I decided instead that if my friends wished to bring a gift to the shower, it could be a generic gift for a new mom/baby and we would drop them off at the Regiment to be given out to all the new moms giving birth…
So it’s been several months and well, I’ve started to get some messages about where the rest of my Pink Elephant Series went… Well, friends, I’m just not very good at Jiu Jitsu. That’s not to say I don’t do it, I do lots of things I’m not particularly good at. I run (slowly). I cook (occasionally). I walk and chew gum at the same time. I also go to Jiu Jitsu class, usually at least a couple times a week, sometimes 3 or 4 times depending on my schedule. And most days when my brain isn’t full of parenting dilemmas or the last client I had at work, I try my very best. So I guess I could tell you what I’ve learned. It’s not what you expect. 1. Whoever was worried I might get hurt should have been worrying about the other guys. I have never said “I’m Sorry” more times in my life. I have kneed people in the face, elbowed them in the ribs, and I’m slightly concerned that there may be a few guys left unable to have children by the time I learn how to keep my feet to myself. 2. Hair elastics are a no-go. They fall off within 1 minute of rolling every time. Between adjusting my Gi top/belt that I’m still terrible at tying, and redoing my hair, I feel like I spend far too much time fixing myself up in class. So I gave up. My fight name shall be Medusa. 3. Some bruises are harder to explain…
“He’s clearly A-Typical in many ways. Just not in the ways we are used to.” We’ve been hearing the same line for 3 years. “There’s something up, but it doesn’t quite fit.” “We want to offer a diagnosis, but there’s too much he doesn’t do and too much he does.” “We know it’s frustrating, but he just doesn’t check all the right boxes.” Right now, my house looks a little like my heart. Disheveled and a little grimy, the floor has a new throw rug of dog hair and if I’m starting to feel like the hygienic answer to using my bathroom at the moment would be to put down toilet paper over the seat before I sit down. Balancing work with my kids, especially when Dh is away, is a little precarious on the best day, but this week we are in the middle of long awaited psychologist assessments with my youngest and I’ve reached the point where the mental energy required is starting to effect my physical ability to not fall asleep in the 10 minutes between kids home time, dinner and out the door for Jiu Jitsu. Naively, I was hoping for answers. It seems like lately the number of people on my social media and daily life outside the Internet who have identified their child as Autistic is growing constantly. And in what is possibly the most terribly short sighted and evil admission I will ever speak on my own parenting, I’m almost jealous of them. Because we talk about Autism. We don’t talk about unusual, undiagnosed A-Typical behavior. Monster…
