Over the years, many people have written me about why I don’t use this time leading up to Remembrance Day to post more in appreciation of living military members and veterans. It’s not that it would be wrong, it’s more that in our home it’s not the narrative for the day. In the end the reason is always back the moments like these. One year, our church had a Remembrance Service. Dh was going to do what he usually does: skip wearing his uniform and try to blend in. Mostly because despite knowing people have the best of intentions, when Remembrance Day is focused on living military instead of the fallen, it makes him uncomfortable and he’d rather fade into the background. But at the last minute the leadership asked him to be part of the flag party and so today found him pulling on his DEUs to the perfection he expects of himself and standing in front instead. And I saw on his face the whole morning as he tried to reconcile people’s expressions of gratitude for his service with the grief and guilt the day brings. In my head as this week comes I see the photo of Dh carrying his friend onto the plane and know those moments in time are frozen. He will carry those friends forever. They all will. Survivor’s guilt is a part of this life we rarely talk about but it drives more days than anyone knows. It changes Remembrance Day. In fact, it makes the entire month just a little painful. He’s on edge, emotions are raw. His pain and that of those like him, it is out there in the world during the lead up…
Sometimes I have things to say. Okay, most of the time I do. Rarely is it useful. Most of the time, though, you all say it better than I do. This week we asked for the best advice you could give a new military spouse in two sentences. Boy, did you ever come through, with more than 200 comments! I decided then, so it wouldn’t get lost in the realms of facebook, that I’d put some of your amazing advice to good use. Whether you are brand new spouse or you’re just looking for something to make a crappy day easier, here’s the best your military family had to offer. Disclaimer: some of these are gender specific. That’s because some of the people who wrote them did so of their own experience. All of it is relevant no matter the gender of the member or the spouse. It’s funny how almost all the advice had the same basic idea. It’s almost like we’ve all learned something…. Be present Plant your garden every spring, on the chance you get to see it through! ~Debbie Bloom where you are planted! ~ Jessica Sink in roots even if you don’t know how long you’ll be somewhere; you need a good community. ~ Jenn Live your life right now with a slight eye on the future. Thinking too much about the next posting, or course, or deployment only creates missed opportunities to grow where you are. ~ Jennifer Build a foundation of support upon arrival to your destination. ~ Lisa Your get what you give from your community, so participate. ~ Kristin Show up. Show up to the mess, mess dinners, functions, goodbyes, airport coming home. ~ Colleen Make…
So you’re facing a military posting this year. And let’s face it, this might be your first or your 10th and there’s a lot of fear around relocation in general, but this year, it’s even worse. BGRS has changed and panic has ensued. Panic. Will it be as bad as we think? I hope not. I can’t fix Brookfield, though. I can’t fix anything, I’m just along for the ride same as the rest of you (except, you know, we aren’t posted this year so bless your hearts). No matter how many panicked comments and private messages I receive, so far I have not been granted any special powers by DND. If I had, I would be sure to tell you. Preferably from a megaphone while on my helicopter. However I am reminded of a friend who supported me once during a deployment. I was pregnant and miserable. She kept asking how she could help and I kept telling her that I just wanted my husband home. Finally, frustrated, she said “I can’t DO that, so tell me what I CAN do.” So here it is friends. There’s a good chance there will be more than a few issues with the new relocation system. I’m sorry. We can’t necessarily fix that right now. We can talk about it, encourage each other on it, be sure to get out as much info as we can to make it as pain free as is humanly possible, make sure evaluations get to the right people, inform the chain of command and the powers that be of all our issues as they happen to…
Late last year I took part in a Canadian Forces Women’s Influencer Event and it gave me an amazing insight into the opportunities in the Canadian Forces and some of the amazing ladies who are taking advantage of them. At the final dinner, one of the presenters, BGen. Cadieu, took advantage of the setting and presented me with his Commanders Coin. I had no idea he was going to do that, and it was incredibly kind of him to recognize me at the event, even if entirely undeserved. When he gave it to me, he spoke about the importance of the family unit when it comes to the military, and he took the time to emphasize how vital he felt it was for the military to recognize and support military spouses and families. Trevor is a friend and someone I’ve known a very long time. I have so much respect for his opinion so to have him take time to do something like that meant a lot to me. It was a really key moment, to have what we do commended, not just for me but in general for families, because we know I’m just there as one of many. While it feels nice of course to be recognized for something I spend a lot of time on, the real truth is I’m not some special unicorn. All the military families in the country are doing the same things as I am. I write shit down. Only difference. Weeks later the base paper wrote about this Women’s Influencer event. And a photo was in the paper of BGen. Cadieu presenting me with the coin. I’m referred to as “one of the women.” At a Women’…
