A Good Day

About 7 months ago, I sat at Monster’s last case conference at his old school and we had a talk, his teacher, Occupational Therapist, Home Support Worker, Psychologist and I. 

And they gave me what basically came down to checks and balances.

He loves puzzles.
He has a fine motor delay.
He aced the intelligence test.
He doesn’t understand tone of voice.
He shares.
He doesn’t like changes in routine.
He will sometimes play well with others.
He only eats 5 different foods.  Ever.
He has a great imagination.
He needs to touch. Everything.
He seems to focus OK in class.
He doesn’t look you in the eye.

And it went on.

What it came down to:  Every time they want to suggest an assessment or course of action or diagnosis, Monster does something that goes against what a child with that diagnosis would do.  So they were just going to wait and see.  Maybe it would all even out in the end. 

So I took my assessments, paperwork, referrals and binder of notes and moved to a new province.

And this year at his new school, it’s been more of the same.

In fact, where the last school wanted to hold him back, this one wants to push him forward.

Sometimes, I swear I have no idea what the right answer is.

Last week, after long awaited specialist appointments where the first one told me there was no point to pursuing a diagnosis as long as he was coping well in school, and the second one told me that without a diagnosis there was no way for me to seek help for those issues that are most pressing, I had to take a step back.

What am I looking for?

Thing is, I’m his mom.  And I know something is…. off.  Some days, I figure that’s ok.  We’re all a little weird, right?
Other days, bigger than average things go wrong and I feel that it’s just not at all ok.

So basically, what it comes down to is I have no idea what I am doing.
Would it change even one thing if I had a ‘WORD’ to tell people to explain why he makes me stop while we are at the grocery store so he can know what cauliflower feels like, or why he can’t eat the reheated KD because the texture is changed?

I’m starting to think that all it would change is how I feel about it.

And I get the impression that this parenting thing is not about me, anyways.

This is Monster, and today he turned 5.

Sometimes, he likes to yell ‘chicken noodle!’ for no discernible reason.

Sometimes he doesn’t know what to do with his hands and he flails them around because he really needs to move them.

Right now, all he eats are fried egg sandwiches, grilled cheese, crackers, warmed up chocolate milk, apple juice, and things containing sugar that aren’t gummy.

He has his own superhero, named India.  India has hair down to his hips and a sidekick named Regular Guy.  India is even stronger than Daddy and sometimes he can be almost as big as Jesus.  But he can be small, too, if he wants. 

This is Monster.  And I know there’s more to know about him and ways I can learn to parent him better, I just don’t know what they are yet.  Or if they matter.  But we’re working on it.

Until then, we have great weeks of laughter and silliness, and then bad days that will find us both in tears not knowing what the right response is.

But today?  Today we have a Policeman Costume, Starbucks hot chocolate and Lego Advent Calenders.

Today is a good day.

Happy Birthday my favorite and most wonderful Monster!

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