The “Average” Candian Soldier: A 15.5 Year Story

posted on : June 11, 2015 posted by : reccewife 9 Comments

This week, Dh gets a new medal.

It’s one every soldier gets, just for showing up for 12 years.
Dh has 15.5 years in, but I just assumed it was like high school, it just takes some people a little longer to get there.

Okay, no it’s actually just the army who occasionally forgets about things. Especially if no one reminds them….
but it’s more fun to explain it the other way.

Now, if I was to give you a detailed list of the people who care about Dh’s medals, it would look like this:

1. Me.
….

I know. It’s extensive.

The truth is, Dh doesn’t much concern himself with what medals he has.

It doesn’t bother him that with 4 deployments, he has a total of 2 medals on his chest.

It doesn’t bother him that he’s less than 2 weeks from that 2nd bar on his Afghanistan medal, so he will forever look like he’s done less time there than he has. Or that he’s been home months from his 4th deployment and isn’t holding his breath that he’ll see that medal anytime soon.

And when he stands on Remembrance Day next to a soldier who commands all the civilian attention due to a rack of medals that actually points to much less experience than Dh has, instead of bitter he’s mostly just happy he’s deflected any attention.

In fact, he completely laughed it off when on his 3rd deployment to Afghanistan they gave him a camera to take pictures of the medals ceremony, because he already had the medal and they had nothing else to give him.

In short, Dh doesn’t give one single care that his chest doesn’t tell his story.

But friends, he married a story teller.

And I’m not sure if it’s because sharing stories is what I do, or because I know far too many soldiers just like him, but it drives me crazy. It makes me want to pin a sign to them, shout when they are around, tell everyone who meets them:

There is more to them than you see, and there is no such thing as an ordinary soldier.

Instead, there’s soldiers like Dh. He’ll be the first to tell you he’s not special, or unique. He’s one of many. The ones who quietly do their job, whatever they were called to do. Over and over. Without complaint.
The ones who put their name back on the deployable list early, because they are needed.
The ones who have missed more birthday’s, anniversaries, family dinners and special events than they’ve been home for.
The ones who get that midnight call about their comrade who’s tossed his motorcycle/put a fist through a wall/done something he regrets. And they go sit by that bed. All night. And usually, they wait until morning to tell them how dumb they are before they head to work and pretend they’ve slept.

The ones with far too many days on the calander they mark in their own way, mourning the loss and pushing past the guilt that they made it home without them.

They are the ones who bare the brunt of the family anger when they relay that posting message/deployment order/weekend duty assignment, willing to shoulder the rage meant for the military.
And maybe they’ve missed that career course because they were back overseas.

There’s a good chance they passed those free tickets on to someone else they thought might enjoy them more.
They are the ones who keep DAGing green. Who keep standing up and saying ‘I’ll go’.

And when it comes time to recognize someone for doing something special, they are the ones who duck behind others they feel are more worthy than them. The Memorial Cross families. The wounded warriors. They are always quick to point out others that have seen more, done more, given more.
They are always quick to minimize who they are.

They are the average face of the Canadian Forces that is hidden. Mostly because they prefer if you don’t see them.

People often ask me how Dh feels about my gig here at She is Fierce. And my standard answer is simple:
Dh would have happily spent his entire life serving quietly and flying completely under the radar. The paradox of that life is that he fell in love with me and now he’s stuck with this.

He’s stuck with a wife who looks at him and his friends and his comrades and wishes there was a way to share their stories, because they deserve to be shared.

But instead, because they are not my stories to share, I share this.

There is no “average” Canadian soldier.

Hidden in the crowd, oblivious to whether other’s see them, there’s a whole lot of these soldiers.

And this week, this week I will watch one of them get a ‘gimme’ medal 3.5 years
late because he hasn’t cared enough to complain, and I will be so proud you would think it’s the Victoria Cross.

Because I know.
I know.

This medal is just for showing up.
Well, in these past 15 years, this soldier has seen his boots hit the ground with the very first in combat since Korea.
He’s been on 4 deployments including 3 combat deployments.
He’s said a last goodbye to too many friends, and helped carry them on their ramp ceremony to the waiting plane. And he’s learned to keep moving forward even when that part of him didn’t come home.
He’s crewed a Coyote and a Leopard tank, he’s commanded vehicles and patrols on exercise fields and through desert combat.
He’s served on 3 domestic deployments, fighting forest fires and floods and defending the Olympics.

He’s been on more courses and exercises and competitions in more countries than I can remember.
He’s missed his children’s birthdays, from the 1st to the 12th. Christmas. Anniversaries. First days of school. But all he’d tell you is that he’s made it to every birth and that means he’s one of the fortunate ones.

In fact during these 3 years between when he should have received this medal and when he did, he’s been away from home well over a year.
He’s grown up from a teenager, he’s given everything he’s had, he’s worked as hard as he could and for every month in the desert, every phone call that ended in a rocket siren, every tiring, boring, scary, exciting, heartbreaking and tedious moment, he’s showed up.

He’s done what has been asked of him, and he will continue to. Because it’s what he loves.

And when he is asked about this medal, he tells people that I’m the one who deserves it for sticking with him. But friends, how often I forget that all those missed days and time away, it hurts his heart as much as mine.

It’s been 15.5 years and I’ve been here to see it all, and this medal that they’ll all tell you means ‘nothing’, it means something to me.

It means he’s made it this far, and he will quietly keep going as long as he can.

And I will keep noticing.
Because that’s the best way I know how to say thank you.

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reccewife

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9 COMMENTS

Janette Burns | 17th Jan 16

So well told….. I am in my 25th year and I love that I wear my medals over my heart…makes my heart swell with pride! Congrats DH!
Karen | 18th Jan 16

I am the wife of a Veteran Peacekeeper and I applaud your strength and loyalty to your DH and family and I thank you both for your service.
Craig | 18th Jan 16

This is one of the nicest, most heartfelt essays I’ve ever read. And tell your husband that CD is not a “gimme” medal at all… We work harder for that one than any other! It’s the one received for all those exercises, courses, weekends, etc. and you are right to be proud when he receives it… It’s your medal too…
Bob Rabideau | 18th Jan 16

Very well written and reflects the lives of most soldiers and their families. My family an I served 21 years before retiring. I thank both of you for your service.
Harry Fischer | 18th Jan 16

You have written a superb piece explaining how it must be when a partner sees their sailor/solider/airmen with their medals and awards. I’m a serving member myself and despite my service and experiences I know for sure I couldn’t explain it any better.
Stef | 20th Jan 16

From spouse to another, what a beautiful salute to your husband. Your writing always moves me. His story and that of his friends and comrades needs to be shared, and perhaps you are the one to do it. Please thank your husband for me, and thank you for handling it all throughout the long separations and many other demands the military puts on a family.
Todd Reashore [Signals] | 22nd Jan 16

Having served thirty-three years, the rack on my chest was not about my service. Each and every medal, bar and citation was about the service, sacrifice, commitment of my wife Brenda, to this country, our province, community and family.

While I was jumping out of helicopters, instructing rappelling, gas hut & first aid training, running down ranges shooting every weapon known to man, surviving arctic missions, and deploying overseas, she was holding down the fort at home. She, was nursing the kids, educating them, nurturing them, filling for my absence as both mother and father.

Civilians, generally have no idea, just how great a privilege it is to serve in Canada’s military. But what always made it possible for me to strap on my combat boots and head out the door, be it for the day, or another 6 month tour, was knowing in my heart and sole, that my family was going to be taken care of.

Not by any extended military family, not by the government, but by my partner, my wife, the mother of our children. I knew, that the kids were in the best possible hands.

So, while I applaud your accolades for your husband, I can tell you [and DH would be right there with me] that while we were both having the time of our lives, serving Canada, that rack of medals and gongs, truly [or certainly, equally] represents you, and every other mother [or husband] watching our backs, at home.

The spouse’s job of keeping the home fires burning, is certainly the very most important task, in supporting our military organization. Without your efforts, it would be impossible to deploy any Canadian brigade, anywhere.

Thank you, for your service.

[there is a reason you’re entitled to half DH’s pension whenst he kicks the bucket before you]
Mike Bowen | 24th Apr 16

Awesome post. I have a son presently serving and his wife is just like you. Thank God. She is his rock and keeps the home fires burning. I know that being away from your family and in harms way is very hard for all but they wouldn’t have it any other way. They know they are needed and that extra set of eyes could make the difference. They are soldiers and thats what they do. My deepest respect for them all and to the dedicated wives and family who support them. Thank you for your post SHE IS FIERCE.
- Evelyn Pearson | 30th Jul 17
  
  My husband was in the military for 33 years and when he passed away six Years ago, the pension that we were getting when he was alive was split in half, even though I still had all the same bills to pay, I do not think that it’s fair for the government to do this. what really makes me mad is if a spouse of a member in the government passes their pension isn’t cut by half and some of them only serves maybe 6 years or lest.I truly believe that something should be done about this.I was proud of my husband for being in the military and happy to be his wife for 58 years.